| When do I come out? | Coming out .............................................. Back to main page |
Popular research into when most young people decide their sexuality indicates that young gay men first decide when they between the ages of 12 and 17, and most young lesbian women first decide when they are between the ages of 16 and 20. this is also a difficult time for them as their bodies are changing and often believing to be gay could be as a result of these other changes. It all becomes an emotional upheaval that becomes an extra burden of puberty and growing up.
Some young people try to deny their feelings as is often easier when out of mind but this is short lasting. Others will try and avoid thoughts and feelings which remind them that they have homosexual inclinations. It then becomes more in the distant that many will come out as blocking their sexuality and not seeking any external help is as comforting as admission of feelings so they end up balancing each other out.
Some young people have great difficulty in managing their relationships with peers and family. They may avoid situations in which they may encounter opportunities for heterosexual pairing so that they are not forced to deal with their lack of sexual interest in members of the opposite sex or have it exposed. They may, alternatively, persevere with heterosexual relationships to try and 'convert' themselves and/or conceal their homosexuality from others.
Summary
- Dont let anyone pressure you in coming out
- Don't come out during an argument with parents or friends
- Do make sure you are ready to share your feelings with others
- Do seek external advice and information if needed
- Be prepared for some resistance from people
- Remember you are never alone
What should I say... to who and ...when?
This is a daunting task and you have likley thought about coming out but want to get a more in depth preperation before you do so.
If you can say out loud thay you are gay it's the first step in the journey to come out. Timing is important and the longer you put it off the more obstacles and doubts about doing it will crop up. These could include things like
- Hearing homophobic remarks at School
- Family fear- someone in your family homophobic
- Peer pressure especially at school
- Being talked about as being abnormal
- Uncertainty of what people will think or say
You have to be certain of your own sexuality though before you can cope with coming out. The usual questions you will be asked include "Is it just a phase?", and you have to make sure you are satsified in yourself that indeed it's not just a phase but how you feel and want to live your life.
Try and put together views from different people and how they would react to find out someone close to them coming out. One thing you have to do is accept your own sexuality before doing anything.
Remember you don't have to do everything on your own there are the trusted strangers that don't know who you are and not connected with your daily life that you can turn to and sometimes an easier option to start with and the groups and organisations are there to help you through your problems and dilemmas in complete confidence giving you the time and resources as to make that move.